girlofprey

I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas, which I knew I wanted since last January - a new TV to go with my exciting new PS5. Originally I wanted a 4K one, but I found out that even though you can get one for a few hundred pounds, you can't get one that's less than 40 inches. And since the TV needs to go on a wall in my bedroom at the end of my bed, that really wasn't super convenient. So instead I have a 37-inch one which doesn't do 4K, but does do HDR which I'm told is better. It was still more than I expected my parents to spend on me, and very generous.

But now we have to install it, which means drilling holes in the wall above my video game consoles, which means I have to move them out of the way to keep them safe. Which means having to try to keep hold of all the wires after they're unplugged, so they don't slip down behind the drawers they're on, and trying to remember where they all plug in again afterwards. I'm feeling a little nervous about it, but it does just need doing. Also the TV supposedly fits to the wall like a picture frame - you can set it up to display a pretty image when you're not watching it, as a feature - which means I really don't know where the HDMI cables for game consoles fit in anymore. Hopefully I will find out. Or the whole thing will have gone to waste.

Mum's 2nd present still isn't here - I got an email that I saw on Christmas day, saying the gift was late and they were sorry, and that they now expected it to arrive on January 1st. Which I don't believe. And even when it gets here I have to quarantine it, so it will be well into the new year when she finally gets it, and I don't know if it'll live up to the wait. But she seemed to like her other gift at least. As for the kids, I haven't spoken to them - we didn't hear from them throughout Christmas morning, and then I came down in the evening and mum said she'd spoken to my MN and YN. I was a bit annoyed she didn't call me down for it, but apparently she just didn't think with my YN, and my MN said not to bother me. Hopefully they liked their gifts. And we haven't heard from my ON at all since mum and I saw him on Christmas Eve for a walk, probably because my dad somehow managed to get him a PS5 (which my ON will partly be paying for, out of money he saved up), so I guess he's busy. But a thank you for the PS5 would be nice. Kids, eh?

New Year's is round the corner, and I don't know what that's going to look like when we'll still very much be dealing with things from this year. But maybe things will be a bit brighter.

It's December already and I can't post in daylight, so here's my post now.

It's December already. That's fine, but I keep forgetting/trying not to think about the fact all Christmas shopping has to be done online this year, and all deliveries are delayed and messed up because of the pandemic, so I really need to get on with my online Christmas shopping and I haven't. To be fair, I also want to buy things for me to enjoy for Christmas, and things I need, and it adds up to an amount of money I'm nervous about spending when I don't have a job and um...jobs may not be forthcoming in the near future of the economy. But I did end up with about £2,500 after my last two paycheques and redundancy payments, as well as savings in an ISA, so I know that as long as I don't buy everyone Cartier diamonds for Christmas I will probably be fine. And should just buy things so that they arrive, and in good time to quarantine them. I have already ordered a winter coat, winter boots, presents for the cat and dog and part of my parents' presents. Just need to do the rest.

It is weird knowing we almost certainly won't see the kids this Christmas. Last year was weird, but my dad and I did drive down to see my MN (mum was working), and my YN and ON lived close enough to visit (along with my sister) on Boxing Day. This year, with the restrictions and mum and dad's vulnerable age group, none of that will be happening. In a way, given all the drama, that is quite freeing, but also a bit...empty. But we will call them at least. And I am going to get and send stuff over for them. It's just going to be weird.

( Assassin's Creed Valhalla, spoilers to the middle of the story I think )

I have also been enjoying the current series of I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, which is mostly just a set of people who are nice really getting on and enjoying each other. But then the British public soured that by getting rid of almost all the women, and keeping almost all the men. I love Giovanna and hope she wins, but it's a bit sad that she's going to have to have a man in the room to pump the water for her whenever she takes a shower now. And then Shane Ritchie will probably win or something.

I give you the gift of animal bloopers from American news. Having pets is wild. My favourite is 1:22 because I'm a child. And then after everything, 13:30.

( Christmas aggravation, warning for homophobia )

So that was Christmas, anyway. Don't know when we'll see my ON again, but hopefully soon. Bit tumultuous. But now we're on our own. I'm trying to clear out my bedroom a bit, and constantly disappointed by my inability to just throw everything away when I'm clearly not using it. But I'm getting through it. Bit by bit. I have big plans.

Well, it's been a weird Christmas so far. We had Christmas dinner on Sunday, because mum won't be in to cook it tomorrow (she's a nurse and working). My MN is now in a residential unit in Birmingham, an hour and three quarters away, and we weren't sure we were going to get to see him tomorrow, or over the holidays at all. My dad had a plan to drive down after my mum went to work, but he couldn't just decide to do that, he had to tell a social worker and the residential unit and wait to see if they okayed it. They didn't get back to us until yesterday morning, and said no he couldn't. Then it turned out that they'd misunderstood and thought my dad wanted to do some meeting halfway thing, which they didn't have the staff for, and said yes. Then he offered to come for around 3pm, they said that wouldn't be great as they might be eating, and asked if he could come for 10am instead. To a place a two hour drive away. Anyway, he said yes, and then the question of whether I was going with him seemed to occur (I'd been thinking about it and discussing it with mum), and I said I didn't think I could get up at 7am on Christmas morning to start driving across the county, given my current emotional wellbeing. So we've changed it to arriving at midday. So instead of getting up and spending the morning with mum before she leaves around 12pm, we're now getting up at 9am, doing presents or whatever, then me and dad are leaving at about 10am, before mum goes to work, to get there for 12pm. Then spending an hour or two with him, then driving back for two hours, to have Christmas dinner at about 4pm, which will be a couple of instant meals from the supermarket.

Mum's not seeing any of the kids tomorrow, since she's working, and then my ON and YN and my sister are coming over on Boxing Day. Supposedly their foster parents have gotten them gifts too so they'll have things on Christmas Day, but it still seems a bit weird. But the best we can do. Just weird.

Some traditions remain however. We're having a buffet-style meal tonight, out of party food from Marks and Spencer's, including the seasonal favourite, prawn balls. And mum and I will be fighting over the scissors and tape as we wrap our presents at the last minute tonight. And then it'll be Christmas. I have Friday off, so I'm done with work at least until next week, and free as a bird. Free to look at Boxing Day sales and early January sales. But yeah. It'll be weird.

Well, it's been quite a week. I don't really know how I feel about the election results. Well, devastated obviously, but I don't know what else I would have wanted. I voted Labour in the end - turns out there was no Change UK candidate in my area, only the Brexit party playing silly bastards, so in the end I just voted tactically against for the candidate most likely to beat the Tory. I didn't want Jeremy Corbyn to win, given the anti-semitism thing and the fact winning would have probably just made him double-down on everything he was doing, a lot of which I thought was wrong. He wasn't a very good leader. But I knew if he didn't, it would mean a new Labour leader but also five more years of Tories, and five years of Boris Johnson. But now...I guess I was hoping for a hung parliament, and none of the people I was dismayed by to be completely in charge. And not this huge massacre. By very, very hardline Tories. But here we are. I have three nephews now in the social care system, and a government that is not that interested in supporting the social care system. So that's...yeah. Pretty devastating.

One of the post room guys from work - a fairly nasty so-and-so, deaf, and who scowls or doesn't even acknowledge us when ever we try to ask him something - didn't turn up to work on Friday morning, then showed up at 11am drunk, shouting "the country's saved!". And had to be sent home. Yesterday, I was on the bus, and I overheard a little old lady talking to a man near her, saying something was good, and it would be even better next month when we were out of the EU, then talking about how her daughter had had to move because of abuse she received, but her daughter was a 'traitor', 'she was a traitor', 'she betrayed me'. It's very odd living in Yorkshire.

And I know Corbyn was weird, and that was probably a lot of the reason Labour voters didn't vote for him this time. But I also remember that people didn't vote for Gordon Brown when he was running, or David Milliband. And I remember that Gordon Brown's campaign went quite downhill after he wasn't too polite about the woman asking him "what are you going to do about these Poles?". And it makes me worry a little bit what it will take to get people to vote for Labour again, if anything.

But for now we just have to deal with the Tories. And Boris Johnson. And the fact the UK voted for Boris Johnson like the US voted for Trump. But at least he wasn't up against Hillary Clinton, I guess.

Anyway. Last week was rough for other reasons. We really didn't know what was happening with my YN's birthday until the night before, and I didn't get to see him because the foster mum could only come in between the times I was working for. And some stuff has been happening with my MN, although I'm hoping that's calmed down now. So yeah, I got to Thursday evening, was suddenly paralysed by fear that I'd somehow voted wrong for a while, and then realised on Friday I was completely wiped out. Had basically used my energy to get that point. And I'm still tired now. Also I checked my bank balance on Friday and found I had less money than I thought I did, which makes some of the Christmas stuff I wanted to do slightly less possible. Or I'll have to be more careful about it, at least, and careful isn't really what I want to be doing right now. But, I do have some time off. I've booked Tuesday to Friday off at work this week, so I only have to go in tomorrow, and then I have the Friday after Boxing Day off. So it's only one day of work this week, then only two next week. And I've done all my Christmas shopping, pretty much. And I get paid the Friday after Boxing Day, so if there's anything I want to do or get I can do some of it more easily after then. So yeah. I think I will be resting a lot. But I will be able to relax, at least a little. So I'm very much looking forward to that.

Well, after all that, it was a pretty successful Christmas I think. Or at least it was a relief after last year, and how awful that was. But we had a nice morning together, me and my mum and dad, I got most of the things I really wanted them to get me from my 'suggestions list', and they seemed to like their presents from me, or at least pretended that they did quite well. The dog got presents he enjoyed, and the cat got presents she enjoyed, and it was nice. Then all the kids came around, and despite the usual pushing and screaming, it was pretty nice - we even got some nice pictures of them enjoying their presents at their house. I say it was nice, they were only there for 3 hours and in the end it was like living inside a klaxon that was constantly going off, and me and mum were hiding in the kitchen. But there was no big drama, except when one of the kids scratched the hardwood floor in our Forbidden Dining Room, that we're only allowed into twice a year, and my dad stormed off. But he managed to keep his rage pretty much under wraps, and there were no big arguments that I heard of, and Christmas dinner was nice even though we forgot the parsnips, and then they left. And we had a pretty quiet Christmas evening in. Watched the Corrie Christmas episodes and hissed at Gina, and cheered for Sally and Tim (I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WAS MAKING PAPER CHAINS IN JAIL), and then went our separate ways. And it was nice.

It still feels weird that I have to go back to work tomorrow, but c'est la vie. It should be quiet at least, and I've requested some time off in January to try to chill out a bit, and it's only a few days till the weekend. It's an excuse to go into Leeds and pick up some cheap post-Christmas stuff as well. So I'm sure it'll be fine. But it still feels weird and not quite real.

I still have quite a bit of a bottle of coke to drink, and I am supposed to be going to bed and sleeping tonight so I can get up in the morning. We'll see how that goes.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Hollaaa, it's the night before Christmas Eve, but it kind of feels like the night before Christmas because I said I'd get all my presents wrapped over the weekend, so I could relax tomorrow. So far I have done two thirds of them, and the last ones aren't too bad, although I think they will take the most paper. The (christmas shark) wrapping paper I'm using seems slippier than usual, so I'm worried all the tape will come unstuck by Tuesday morning, but I'm using a lot to try to compensate.

It turns out I am working tomorrow. In fact, I'm going in early, because my manager is pretty convinced we'll go quite early in the afternoon, so he said it would be nice if the morning receptionist could go early too, which I didn't think of but is totally fair. So I'm going in for 10, which means I have to get up at 8, which means I have to have a shower tonight. Another thing on the to-do list. He also said that the best answer he could get out of the bosses at work was that we could all probably go between 2 and 4 tomorrow, so he was pretty sure it would be 2, but if it turned out I couldn't leave till 4 he apologised and would make it up to me. Someone else I spoke to at the desk who's worked there for years though said that the latest he's ever gone home on Christmas Eve was 1.30, so hopefully it will be earlier rather than later, but we'll see. It still feels weird to be going into work, briefly, when we're in the final few days before Christmas. As everyone left work on Friday they kept saying "have a good Christmas - you won't be in next week will you?", and it was one of the most depressing things I ever hear. Yes. Yes I will. And back in on Thursday and Friday. But that's life, I guess. And I'd quite like to go into Marks and Spencers tomorrow anyway, as mad as it will be, so it's not all bad. Still a weird thing to try to prepare for though, as I don't think I've ever worked Christmas Eve before.

Also, my mother is working tomorrow, so we won't really have a family Christmas Eve either when I get home, and she normally does a buffet/party food tea on Christmas Eve, so we're having that tonight. Which makes it feel even more like not-Christmas Eve. And she's been cleaning the house before Christmas - I swear we do more Christmas cleaning than spring cleaning - so I also need to change the sheets on my bed tonight. So much to do when I would like to just be relaxing. But hopefully it just means I can relax tomorrow, after getting home from work. When it's just me and my dad. We had an argument today where he just started yelling at me for something he's complained about before. So that should be fun, just me and him. I feel like I'll spend a lot of the night playing Red Dead Redemption. Which doesn't feel very Christmassy. But I do love Arthur Morgan.

I am a bit worried about Christmas to be honest, given what it was like last year. But my sister is less crazy this year, so hopefully that will also make the kids a bit calmer, and it will all be better. I'd prefer to not have to go back to work right after Boxing Day, even so, but I have to. So that's that.

I am still looking forward to Christmas though. Even with all the work and potential stress that comes with it. Genuinely.

Christmas whale.

I didn't get anyone any Christmas cards this year but I love you all.

I did all my Christmas shopping on Saturday, all of it, and I got soaked in the rain and some of my presents got wet because I have cloth bags for life now, but thankfully it was mostly only the ones made of synthetic material, and they dried out pretty quickly. And then I got home and nearly got told that my Christmas shopping was not all done, because my mum didn't think my MN actually supported the football team he'd hinted he did before I left the house that day, but then the next day they asked him directly about it and it turns out he does, so it's all done. And my shopping for my YN's birthday on Wednesday. So it is all done. But I was wound up about it for a while, and I'm still tired.

In RDR2, I'm trying to ignore the story and just go around doing the side missions, but unfortunately the only real side mission I have left I can do is riding around large areas of the map looking for very small, very rare flowers. So I will probably get sick of it soon and get on with the story, whatever that entails. I just don't know when I will have time now to do all the very long story missions that just involved pushing a stick up, because I don't remember finding a point where I could save, and I would like to actually make some progress and be able to make use of it, and I only have a couple of hours an evening now until next weekend. RDR2 you test my patience. But maybe it will be fine.

For the first time I think ever, I have gotten all my present-wrapping done before Christmas Eve. For a while there I was busy singing Blues songs, trying to wrap a football, in shiny paper that is allergic to tape. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. But now it is done, and I am free and easy until Christmas. I'm still debating on whether or not to put labels on them, or if it's a giveaway that I bought them, not Santa, if I know exactly whose is for who without opening them. But that's a decision for tomorrow.

I also like Merry Christmas Everyone and Santa Baby, so it's not all doom and gloom.

Today is my last day of work before I have Friday and then next week off. I am v. looking forward to it. I'm a little worried about how much I'm looking forward to it, because if I feel like it's going to fix all my problems, that's obviously not the case. But it has been tough lately, and a break would be nice. Just to not have to be in a constant whirl of 'getting ready for work, working, trying to take advantage of my free time while I'm not at work and the kids aren't here'. Just to be able to relax and have the whole day to myself will be nice.

But I'm also worried because next week is basically when I'll have to at least start getting ready for Christmas, and I have no idea. None. I vaguely know what I want to get my dad - more booze - and then I worry about accidentally giving him liver disease. And I only ever get my sister gift cards. But what my nephews will like and won't immediately smash is a little harder. And my mother's a complete mystery. At least the cat will just automatically like whatever I give her. Or ignore it.

But it's also a chance to go out looking at Christmas lights and stuff, and maybe go to the ballet, and go see Justice League again. And maybe I can convince my mother to bunk off all her jobs and come somewhere with me. Also it's my YN's birthday on Tuesday. Have to get him something for that as well.

It's also the Game Awards tonight. And Playstation Experience over the weekend. People are expecting game reveals, and the signs suggest there'll be at least one. My wild, out-of-the-park guess would be that Superman game. I'm still half-convinced it's happening, and Justice League just came out, and even if that didn't set the world on fire it got people talking about Superman again. It feels like it might be time. But my more rational guess would be Borderlands 3, which all signs suggest is coming out next year. We'll see!