girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Well, today was exhausting. First, I had a doctor's appointment to review my pill - which I just remembered I forgot to take today. The nurse didn't seem at all concerned about the whole 'bleeding for 3 weeks out of 4' thing - I started bleeding again yesterday - and asked if I wanted to continue on it. I said I wouldn't mind trying a different kind, to see if that works better, so now I have a prescription for a pill that only has a 3-hour window - taking it 8 hours late probably wouldn't be a thing then. Although I can't tell if that's for periods, or just for getting pregnant. But anyway. Then I had to go around town trying to buy something for my ON's birthday, since I figured I'd see him tonight but then it turned out he was going out for a meal with the family (which I couldn't go to, because I work too late, whatevs), so I had to get him a gift and card and get it to mum before I went to work. Then, after getting into Leeds, I ended up going to do a little shopping, and having to run back to the office, to make it on time for work. And THEN - we had more visitors than you could possibly believe, at work. The company's being bought out apparently, so they had a bunch of people from the company who's buying them, to try to work things out, AND just regular people for meetings, AND a group of people for interviews. I signed someone out who had pass number 10, shortly after handing out pass number 63. Like that. And, we have a new signing in book, which is terrible, and some people don't know how to use properly. AND we had some guests we hadn't been told about replacing some guests we had been told were coming. AND a bunch of those people needed security cards. AND the key log didn't seem to have been filled in properly. AND I had a CEO's bag to guard with my life. AND then a bunch of people for an interview, for which one woman was half an hour late. Just straight-up, "I was told to come at half past" late. Which I had to sort out.

Tomorrow I think it's going to be like that again, but also I will have to do the car park.

But anyway. In between all of that, I did manage to get on the internet a bit, and learned that Scalebound, the one game that made me even sort of interested in an XBox One, has been cancelled. 4 years into development, and with it looking pretty finished and polished actually at E3 this year. Strange things are going on with Xbox. And slightly worrying things, if you like Xbox and/or the console wars. Also I'm generally sad no video game of being BFFs with a great big dragon is going to exist. The world will be poorer for it.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Yesterday I had a Jobseeker's appointment at 10am. I woke up at 9:23. Thankfully, it's only about a 20 minute walk from my house into town, so I jumped up, brushed my teeth, my hair, put on some clothes and whizzed out of the house. I made it to the Jobcentre for 10, then sat around waiting for my appointment. After fifteen minutes I was still waiting, and no-one looked like they were late with their appointments or in a rush or coming to see me any time soon. You're supposed to tell someone if you're waiting 15 minutes or more, so I double-checked my appointment time. And the appointment was actually for today. So I went home, and had some breakfast.

The reason I was probably so tired was because I decided to finally give myself a breast exam, which I haven't done in a few months. I never like to do them, because I get so wound up it ends up taking me a couple of hours, and I get so worried about checking everything that feels like a lump I usually end up hurting myself. I sort of need to get on it though, because I'm on the pill now, and the hormones will probably end up changing them a bit anyway, plus it slightly increases my chance of getting breast cancer. So I did one, rather than continuing to worry about the fact I hadn't done one in a while. It took me three and a half hours, and I hurt myself so much I was still getting really sharp pains the following morning. I get the feeling my technique is not the best.

Anyway. Overall, it has led to me feeling tired, still, today, and I had to get up for my actual Jobseeker's appointment this morning (which went fine). So now I don't know if I'm too tired for kickboxing tonight. I really ought to go, because I haven't been in over a month now, and I am planning to switch over to the Wakefield branch, so I need to at least call and tell my instructors about it. But I am tired, and it's sparring tonight, which is really high energy and involves keeping up with other people, and sometimes when I go and I am tired I start feeling really light-headed and like I'm about to pass out. Ugh. Maybe I will just call them. I'm definitely switching over though - I gave my notice in at the Hospice on Saturday. I'm going to miss it, but I just think I get more out of kickboxing (when I go regularly), so...life moves on. My boss woman is coming in to see me on Saturday if she can, since she's away during my last weekend. So yeah. It's a shame, but I think it's for the best.

Other adventures I have had this week: my mum was working on Monday, so I decided to go out and get Chinese takeaway for dinner. I forgot that our Chinese takeaway isn't open on Mondays, so I had to walk in the complete opposite direction to get pizza. On the plus side: pizza. On the minus side: ughhhhladkjaslkd.

Emmerdale is the worst at the moment. I can't believe Robron.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I had my first filling on Monday. It wasn't my favourite thing that ever happened, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. My tooth still feels a little sensitive, but okay I guess. It's weird thinking some of it was deliberately chipped away. Anyway, then I got to spend 2 and a half hours in town, with a numb lip and not being able to eat, waiting for a doctor's appointment to get on the minipill. Which I now have. I took my first one today. It feels so odd, like such a big thing to be setting out to change my hormones and possibly not have to deal with painful periods anymore, which is a problem I've had since I was about 12 - but at the same time I probably won't be seeing any differences for at least a few weeks. Headaches are apparently a side effect I might get. Also the nurse told me it can increase your feelings of anxiety and depression, so. Super. And also mildly increases your risk of breast and cervical cancer, so. I have all that to look forward to or worry about. But it should mostly settle down within a few months, and if it works I can then just carry on with it. And I definitely had to do something. Taking a few days off every month for curling up in bed with stomach cramps was really not an option.

My sleep has been terrible lately. Mostly due to the incredibly hot duvet I'm currently using. I'm not enjoying the weather at the moment - it's getting colder, but it's still not cold, so people seem to not know what to do and just turn their heating up to the maximum anyway. So I'm constantly slightly too cold when I'm outside, and then slightly too hot when I get inside. Also we've had some monsoon-like downpours in the last couple of days. But it is autumn, which is nice. Anyway. My mum bought a new duvet for me and that's ready to go tonight, so hopefully it won't be an issue for much longer. It was a little cold the other night, so it wasn't too bad under my current duvet, but then last night I ended up having a weird anxiety dream about Deacon from Fallout 4 sleeping with my sister. And not just sleeping with her, but being so busy sleeping with her he/they failed to notice or help me with a problem I was having with a crazy stalker woman a floor above me. This comes shortly after a dream I had the other night, which was - I frequently have anxiety dreams about being told about or remembering a holiday at the last minute, and not being able to pack properly while my friends are on the verge of just going without me. But the other night I had a dream about having been on a trip, and then just not being able to go quickly enough. Not packing to leave quickly enough, and then wanting to go to the bathroom before getting on the train, and everyone just huffing around me. So that was fun. I would like less nightmares, essentially. And better sleep.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
After all the working and interviews in the last couple of weeks, and my general allergic reaction to shoes, I ended up with a bunch of blisters. One old one now has a yellow patch in the middle and is a little red around the outside, and I was thinking 'did I get a blister on my blister?'. But I had my mum look at it, because she's a nurse, and she thinks actually it's a little infected instead. She suggested I pop it, but I don't really want to do that if I don't have to - it doesn't hurt too badly, and like she pointed out, spots are technically infected and they just go away on their own. So now her advice is 'keep an eye on it, and if more of the outside gets red and then the red starts creeping up your leg, you've got a problem'. So. Now I'm doing that.

Anyway. What I have been doing lately is playing Fallout 4 again, in Survival mode. Nuka-World was a bit disappointing but fun, and but I've been wanting to do a survival playthrough for a while, so I started a new one. I'm insane. Basically Survival mode is exactly the same as the usual game, but you have hunger (that can kill you), thirst (that can kill you), sleep deprivation, you can get diseases, you can't fast-travel, you do more damage in fights but so do your enemies, and you can't save. Everything but the last one is manageable, but the last one. The only time it saves is if you sleep in a bed for at least an hour, so if you can't find one, or you can't sleep in one because there are two many enemies about - you will probably get into a fight shortly afterwards and get killed in a few hits, and have to go back to that morning in the game. Before you did a bunch of stuff, sated your thirst and hunger, and got a bunch of new gear. It's no fun having to play the same missions over and over again. But it is fun to roleplay so hard. I drank from a river and got parasites. Then I had to spend money at a doctor's rather than on a new gun. Also it's pretty addictive. I get a hankering to play it, and try to survive as long as possible, most of the time.

Another thing I have been doing is watching Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty is amazing, and it is a cartoon and I'm sorry, but it's amazing. It's pretty brutal and graphic though, so probably not for everyone. Here is the pilot/short it was based on:

girlofprey: (R for raygun)
E3 is today. That's the Electronic Entertainment Expo, and pretty much the biggest video game event of the year. I am excite. Well - it claims it runs from 14-16 June, but I'm guessing that's just when they let people wander around playing games on the show floor, because the presentations by video game companies start today. Which is where you get all the news about new and upcoming games, so is arguably the most exciting part. Unfortunately, because it's in America, our timezones are very different. I kind of wanted to watch some presentations live this year, if I could, because you never quite get all the news the next day from reports on it, and it's not the same as actually watching it. But the first one is at 1pm today, in America - which makes it 9pm here. The two presentations I care most about are Bethesda and Sony/Playstation - and they're on at 3am tonight and 2am tomorrow night respectively. Which would be rough. Also I have my ESA assessment this week, and I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period. And my next kickboxing graduation is on Saturday, whereas I was assuming it would be next week, and I'm really ready to get my yellow belt but - ugh.

I actually had to come off the floor at kickboxing this week. My foot is still giving me trouble, and because of that and a variety of other mishaps I missed about four weeks of classes. And, to try and rest my foot, I haven't been going for a walk every day like I used to. So I think between a combination of being pretty out of shape and how hot it was on Wednesday, I started to feel dizzy and then nauseous on the mat about halfway through the lesson, and had to come off. And my foot's still hurting when I got up onto the ball of it, which is sort of infuriating. I went to my doctor and saw a minor injuries nurse, and she suggested an anti-inflammatory topical cream and more rest, and then if it still didn't clear up maybe a steroid injection - which she said she'd had, and was the most painful experience of her life, but she never had any problems with the joints in her foot since. So you know, pros and cons to that option. So anyway, I got some gel. But I read the leaflet to see how to use it, and it said to consult my doctor if I was on any pain medication or any medication at all. And as it was a minor injuries nurse and she didn't prescribe it or anything, I'm not quite sure if she checked it? Like, we didn't talk about it or anything. And it's probably fine, but I'm on pretty strong anti-inflammatories for period pains, and if I get my period this week I'm going to be taking them. So I'm probably going to wait till tomorrow to use it, and just call my doctor's to double-check.

My life is a mess.

Also I've been playing more Fallout 4. I tried to run through and do a bunch of the endings I didn't already do. Spoilers )
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I've got a weirdly busy week ahead of me, considering that normally I don't do that much. I'm going to Manchester tomorrow, for a feedback meeting for the entire service that partly provided my CBT a few years ago. I go to the local ones pretty regularly, and then the people who run those invited me to this one. They're paying for my train tickets and everything, I have to get up early but that's about it - only problem is, I think I just got my period. I knew it was due around now, and I had all the pre-symptoms, but I didn't know if maybe I'd escape it. I went into town this morning, and I'm already getting weird stitches that I don't normally get, before the cramps have even started. So we'll see if I'm well enough to go anywhere tomorrow. Fun fact - I'm still thinking of going on the pill or something, so this doesn't happen, but last week I heard a story about a relative of someone who works at the Hospice, who'd just collapsed from a blood clot and they didn't know if she was going to survive or not, and apparently - she'd had cancer and stuff - but her doctors apparently thought it was because she was on the pill. So. Great. Just what my hypochondria needs. (PS I think she's fine now).

Then next week I'm doing another soap podcast, then it's pancake day, then I'm going away the following weekend. Then about a day after I get back, my parents are going away on a cruise, so I'm going to have to get ready to be in the house by myself for a week. Plus point: I get to be in the house by myself for a week. And then it's basically the end of February. Wow.

This following a weekend where I finally got my hair cut (yes! I love it short), and took my MN out for a meal for his birthday, since he's gotten particularly hard to buy for lately. Once again - my sister didn't appear to have gotten him anything, a card, a present, or a cake. Which is incredibly sad. But the kids appear to be coping with it. We went to an arcade, and had some delicious food at Frankie and Benny's, and he had a go on an expensive trampoline. And my mum had bought and sent up a cake. So not a bad day all in all.

So yeah. It's all go. It's nice, though. I also have plenty of video games to play, which are super good. I just started a new playthrough in Fallout 4, to pick up some companions I missed the first time, and I got Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel, which is a lovely JRPG, with a slash pairing that almost writes itself. Given that it's a Japanese game and they have yaoi over there, I suspect maybe it does write itself. But it's pretty good either way. So yeah. My time is full. Possibly a little too full. But it's nice.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Today, after trying all week and having one appointment cancelled due to the doctor being sick, I finally, finally got an appointment with a female doctor. And I had a breast exam, because I'm never sure I'm doing it right, and I wanted to settle my mind that nothing's already wrong, so I could move forward with self-examinations. The doctor was lovely, and it turns out I've been doing it way too hard. Which I kind of guessed, since it usually hurts afterwards, but it's nice to have a model to move towards, rather than just vaguely feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I explained that a lot of it was about anxiety, and I knew there was probably nothing really wrong - it always awkward trying to explain to doctors how you're trying to balance your mental health problems/anxiety with actual health concerns. But she was lovely about it, and it's done now, hurrah!

On the other hand, I signed up to be involved in a beta for a game that's coming out this year. A beta is sort of an exclusive session in a game that's not ready to be released yet, so the developers can pick up any specific bugs that happen as people are playing, or see if certain things in the game are too hard or too easy. And I got accepted! To my first beta-test. But the session in question is only going to last 3 hours, and it's scheduled for tonight, when I'm already booked to go to the pantomime. Sadness.

On the other other hand, I received a statement yesterday for my old Post Office account. My parents opened it for me when I was a kid, and I never use it anymore, and there's just about £80 sitting in it. So I'm going to close it down and just have that money. Free £80, yay!
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Went to the doctors - he was actually super nice about everything. I'm on a stronger dose of my medication now, but because of that when I take it I can only take it twice a day - given that my bad days tend to be whole day long affairs, that might mean it doesn't overall do much for me, but we'll see. He seemed to think that being stressed out from pain means you end up in more pain, so maybe a stronger painkiller to begin with will help.

He also said to wait for the results of my test tomorrow before I make any further appointments to discuss my unusual bleeding, so that's in hand I guess. He didn't seem to think any of the symptoms I talked about were particularly 'sinister', so that's quite reassuring, just have to have the tests and see if anything comes of them. I've got my pills and I've had a bath so I'm all set up for it now.

Also voted, although I'm not sure it really matters, my seat's pretty safe. Only UKIP can challenge them, claim the UKIP leaflets! I sincerely hope UKIP doesn't challenge them. I'm vaguely interested in the results tomorrow, but most people seem to think nothing will really be decided for at least a few days anyway.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Got a doctor's appointment in about an hour - BEFORE my test tomorrow. It was supposed to be about my medication for menstrual cramps, partly about the fact I still have one day a month where I can't do anything, partly about the fact that one of the side effects is depression and I don't really need anymore of that. But my mum's insisting I could still take paracetamol and ibuprofen alongside my medication, and I was pretty sure depression wasn't a side effect for my last medication (before they changed it), but I finally dug out an old box and its little leaflet last night and it sure is. Along with hallucinations, which I thankfully never had. So I probably have less of a leg to stand on than I think.

My mum says I should also discuss the test tomorrow and why I'm having it, since the doctor I called said I'd probably need more than the one test. It's just so much to get into, and to explain it properly I'm going to have to say 'I have massive hypochondria and no longer know how serious any of the symptoms I'm having are', and you know how doctors look at you like it's just nothing most of the time. Feels like a big conversation to have. Still all worth discussing though, so I can give it a go. It just feels very complicated.

Then I have to go vote and have a bath at some point. But I cleared out some of my comic collection today, to make room for new comics I was stacking on the floor. Hooray.
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