girlofprey

Possible titles for my future autobiography:

• "And Now This"


• "Endless Annoying Whining"


• "How Am I Gonna Be An Optimist About This?"

I fell over today. I just plain fell the fuck over. I went into town before work, to pick up Horizon Zero Dawn, and I was going down a funny little backstreet to get to the train station, and I stepped down on a pavement that was on a bit of an incline, and I just went over. I think I have weak ankles. I don't know if that's a problem a doctor can fix.

Then also there were more train cunts, although happily they didn't bother with me. In fact, they sat near me on the journey and one of them (who was drunk) leaned over backwards and almost onto me, and he looked around and apologised, and said no more about it. But before that they were stood on the train platform singing really loudly, and whistling really shrilly, and repeatedly, whenever the train conductors whistled before closing the doors of a train, and it was incredibly irritating. And then, on the walk home from the train station, I met some missionaries from a church, and ended up getting into a long conversation with them. They had badges on saying they were from the Church of Latter Day Saints, so I knew immediately what was probably happening, but it was still almost a masterclass in circular talking. They asked me about the area, and for a while I thought maybe they just genuinely wanted to know their way around, since one had an American accent. Then they started talking about the history of the area and the castle, and hey, just down from there, isn't there a church? Had I ever been inside the Church? Oh, I had, for Christmas? Did I know what a Christingle was? And did I consider myself someone who celebrated the spiritual side of Christmas? It was amazing. But fine, they were really lovely. We had a chat about my time at Catholic school, and my atheism and what I think it means to me. Then at the end when I said I had to go, they gave me a card, and told me there was someone who existed who really loved me, and if I ever wanted to find out more about their church I was free to look into it. Then they wandered off to talk to some other people about the area, I guess.

Also I went to Redemption last weekend. It was lovely. It was a little odd. Because of Storm Doris (which fucked up my trains on Thursday night too), a bunch of people hadn't been able to get there, and a lot of the ones who had were running around trying to do damage control. So as a result a lot of panels sort of didn't happen, or there was only one panellist there looking frightened, because they'd only agreed to do it that morning to fill out the numbers, and they didn't have a plan for what to say. So it was quite quiet. But still really lovely, and it was nice to see people and be among a lot of fannish people. Mostly jekesta and I learned what we already suspected, that there isn't really a lot of sci-fi out at the moment and people still really love Marvel and Doctor Who.

I'm meant to be going to this video game convention in a few hours - the idea of setting off at 6 o'clock got mentioned when we were talking about when to go - and I've realised I have no idea what to wear. What do you wear to a convention centre on what might be an incredibly hot, or might be an incredibly cold day? There will be hundreds of people there, but there might also be crazy air-conditioning. Shorts? Jeans? Dress? I have some video game stuff, one of which is a hoodie. Maybe that. And jeans. And hope for the best.

I also have no idea how I'll keep in contact with my ON, who is the only one who'll be in the convention with me. He got a phone last Christmas, but apparently it has no sim card in it and the place you might put a sim card is broken. So can't really text or call on that. So we'll have to figure out a meeting place without knowing what the convention floor actually looks like, and figure out a time without knowing what the queues or events are really going to be like. Fun. But I guess we'll figure it out.

Back from Eastercon. Tired. Have a slight cold. But back. I came back to an Easter egg and to the fact that my parents had moved some things out of my bedroom again. Broken things I was planning to move out of it, but still. But I also came back to some brief, hopefully good news for America. OH HAPPY DAY.

Hello.

Things That Have Happened:

I had a birthday. And I partied like it was my birthday. It was an odd day, sort of. It started off with my sister (who I'm not talking to) calling me up at 11am, while I was in bed but not asleep, to wish me a happy birthday, and let my MN wish me a happy birthday. She started talking very excitedly about what I was doing later, and she didn't know what our/our mum's plans were. Also she kept asking me if I was okay, because I sounded a bit 'down' and quiet. My non-verbal signs that I didn't want to talk to her apparently weren't working. Anyway, she also apparently asked my mum what was happening that day, whether we were all going round to hers for cake as usual. Which is what I TOTALLY THOUGHT SHE WOULD DO. But we worked it out, basically, we've just made some plans that didn't involve going to see her. It still feels mean, but I just really don't want to see her, or deal with her on my birthday. Anyway. As it was nice weather, I went out to our local town gardens, then met my mum and ON out of school and we went to a local tearoom for some cake. Then I went for my counselling in Wakefield, and when I came out I went and met up with mum, dad and my ON at the Pizza Hut in Wakefield and we had dinner. Yesterday my MN came over as usual, and we had my birthday cake and candles and stuff, and sent most of the cake back to their house. So he didn't feel left out either.

And the birthday celebrations are sort of still going on. I expressed a wish to go to Cannon Hall Farm, as it is spring and they tend to have lots of baby animals, unlike our local farm shops. So we're doing that tomorrow. And then mum said we can go out for dinner on Sunday, which is also partly because it's Easter next week and I will be in London. It's really nice all of it. My only concern is that it's a little bit full-on, doing all these things, given that I've still got a bunch of appointments next week and then a trip to London to gear up for. But I'm pacing myself and I'm having quite a few days off, so I'll probably be fine.

I also got my feedback from last Friday's interview on Monday. It's a bit confusing really, because the woman said she could only find one HR form for me - making it sound like there should have been more - and she said there were eight questions in the interview, when I'm pretty sure there were nine. There were three people and they had three questions each. But whatever. In any case it was weird, because the questions I thought I'd done worst on were the questions I'd done the best on, and the questions I thought I'd done better on, I did worse on. She told me the marks I got out of ten for each question, and the first three, where I really felt like I was babbling and not saying much of relevance in, I got 8s and 7s for, while the rest were all 4s and 5s. But anyway. It suggests what I need to work on, in any case. I also called my Employment Coach, and told her about the feedback, and she sort of agreed with me that the fact they weren't giving me any sort of feedback, or asking me to expand on any answers - especially when I was only getting 4s and 5s - was a bit weird, and maybe they weren't exactly the best at interviewing either. But anyway. It's nice to know it wasn't a complete disaster, and like I say, I've got things to think about and work on for next time, at least.

Other things that have happened, in the week when I had the interview, included my finally finishing two games, The Darkness and Wet. It was sort of funny really, I'd not played either of them for about three months while playing Saints Row 2 and Skyrim, and had studiously avoided looking anything about them up in case of spoilers, and then when I actually started playing them again it only took me a few days to a week each to finish them. Oh well. None of you probably know what either of those games are. Suffice it to say that the ending of The Darkness was weirdly left hanging in a way I didn't expect, and then when I looked it up I was suprised to find out that The Darkness is actually a comic book series from 1996, and only got recently made into a game. Which possibly explains the unfinished feeling of the first game. And I'm quite looking forward to playing the game's sequel, which came out last month, and which I'm hoping is as good as the first one. And I love Wet. And Rubi Malone. Nobody ships her with the man I ship her with (except possibly one person who made a video). But it's still brilliant. And maybe I can look up posts about 'Wet' a bit more safely now that Tumblr has apparently got rid of a lot of it's porn.

Speaking of which, I still haven't heard back about either my complaint to ITV about that victim-blaming Loose Women thing, or the complaint I sent to Tumblr about the dumbthingswhitepplsay thing. I wonder if I ever will. I have no idea what the general timescale for replying to complaints is.

The only thing I'm really watching at the moment is Coronation Street. They seem to have mysteriously ended the Carla storyline by not looking at or having any scenes with Carla, which is...odd. But it's sort of miles better at the moment because they're letting David be onscreen again, and letting him shout at and try in a messed-up way to protect people again. Even though the argument he had with Audrey last night seemed a bit weird. I did pause right in the middle of it to listen to something mum was saying in the kitchen, but it didn't seemed to end with Audrey saying things she would never say. In my opinion. Anyway. It's a shame that I only really believe in Kylie when she's being a nasty, money-grabbing cow, but that the only reason I can see for her getting involved in the storyline too. Because she doesn't really seem to care that much for Audrey. But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she has good, beautiful reasons for being involved.

So. My main job at the moment is too remember not to spend all my money before next weekend. Which is a little unfortunate, because Black March is ending tomorrow, and there are things that I've been sort of putting off buying. But I still need to pay my half of the hotel room, and it's the convention I go to that doesn't involve food in the room price, so I'll have to have some money put away for that too. I do at least have my tickets all booked and sorted though. And I do have a bit of birthday money at the moment, and I should be getting another ESA payment on Wednesday, so I should be alright. As long as I remember not to spend about £400 in the next week or so. I really shouldn't do that. I am planning on getting another secondhand console at some point though - it turns out that CEX (which I totally love) really does sell PS2s, and at a pretty good price. Just not in the next few days.

Hello. I went to Connotations this weekend, but now I am back. It was lovely, even if the hotel did put us in their ghetto, aka Riverside Block. It sounds lovely, but it kind of isn't. And mostly you have to get through a maze of corridors to get to it, and then back again. But it was lovely. I saw people, and also the first episodes of Once A Thief and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, which were both good. I even co-modded a panel, and tried to give people the benefit of my extensive, grinding experience with them. And...there were other panels, but I'd have to look at the con schedule to remember them. Fandom fails, rare pairings, and fandom reboots, I think. But yeah. The people were lovely, the people I was staying with were lovely, I completely accidentally picked up the one book I was missing from the Night Watch series in the book mooch, and we played the new version of Slashtrap, which always completes the weekend. It was very good.

And then today I went to my first session of a jewellery making course in Leeds. It was the second week of the course, so I had to catch up, but it's really practical, so that wasn't hard - basically the tutor tends to show you some thing and techniques at the beginning, you buy some metal to work with, and then go off and practice it, so while the other people were practising the new techniques, the tutor showed me the ones from last week. It's very hands-on - the first thing you have to do to get a piece of metal (copper in this case) soft enough to do things with it is to anneal it, which basically means standing it up on some stone blocks, and then heating it with a mini-blowtorch until it goes cherry red. By which I mean, that's the colour it is, not like until it is literally red hot and glowing. But you still have to grab it with tweezers and put it in a little trough of water to make it cold enough to touch. But yeah, it was good. I learned how to cut copper, how to anneal it, how to print patterns on it with a print roller (I think), how to hammer and press patterns into it, how to use a domer to make it round, how to drill it, and how to saw it. Next week we're learning soldering, and the basic idea at this point is just to practise the techniques, experiment with them and see what happens, and then eventually start making actual pieces using them. It is good though, it's kind of amazing what you can do with the right tools. How much I'd be able to do when I didn't have a mini-blowtorch to hand is still questionable though. Perhaps they're freely available in the right craft stores.

And yeah. That's it really. I'm tired, and what I mostly want to do is play Oblivion. I think I might be shipping my character with another character, or at least have a crush on the other character myself. And I've levelled up a bit, which I think means that the game is trying to make things harder on me, but also means that I'm getting slightly harder, better quests. So hurrah. But my nephew's here, and dinner's in a few hours, so I'm probably best leaving that until I can actually do it and focus on it. Oh well.

Aaaaaahhhh. I got up at 9am this morning, for an 11 o'clock appointment in Wakefield. I went to bed at 1am, and went to sleep at about 6am. And then got up at 9am. I would say it's not so bad, I can just sleep it off tomorrow, but really I need to go to bed early tonight and then get up semi-early tomorrow, so I can go to bed early-ish tomorrow night and get up at 8am on Wednesday morning. For an appointment, and then another appointment in Wakefield in the afternoon. And then, possibly, get up on Thursday so I can go into town with my mum and buy/pick out food before she goes away to Portugal.

I'm aware that to people who go to work and stuff every day this probably sounds quite run-of-the-mill. It's just INCREDIBLY OUT OF THE ORDINARY FOR ME.

It wasn't a completely terrible day, though. I checked my bank balance, and found out I still have quite a bit of money at the moment. I bought my train ticket to Durham for next week, for Connotations. And I discovered the wonders of the game department in the CEX in Wakefield, and bought a game because it had a female main character on the front of it, AND she appeared to be fully dressed! I mean, I couldn't see all of her, and her midriff was naturally showing. But still, compared to others, woo hoo! Also, it was five pounds. Double woo hoo.

Speaking of underdressed ladies, I ended up catching some of Strike Back: Project Dawn last night. I meant to watch it from the start, but I decided my dad wouldn't want to watch it (I was incorrect about this), taped it, and then never caught up with it. I spent most of what I saw of the episode thinking I recognised every black guy in it - although I did not twig that the bad guy was Mr Eko from Lost. I'm still pretty sure the guy driving the car at the end was a paramedic from Casualty a while back. However, what I did pretty much catch was the preview of next week. ( Slight spoilers for that )

Also, I went to the Pets At Home shop. To look at lovely rabbits and rats and fish. Man, I would like a rabbit or some rats or some fish.

Anyway. I am so cold. And one of the t-shirts I loved at Threadless and haven't bought yet has sold out. Sadface.

( Benefits stuff, irritating )

Anyway, maybe the people will call tomorrow and say it's all been a big misunderstanding, and I can have my payments after all. But I've called and made an appointment with my doctor anyway, just in case. Although that's annoying in itself, because this week I was supposed to have three appointments, an application forms workshop yesterday, a counselling session tomorrow, and an appointment with my employment coach on Friday. And it felt like a bit much after the meeting with my case manager last Friday and then going to Nottingham for Batman Live (I did that, by the way) on Saturday, so I was wishing for a bit less to do this week. But then yesterday my employment coach came and asked me if we could rearrange our Friday appointment for next Monday, because she had a client she suddenly needed to see on Friday. And my counsellor just called today to say she couldn't make our appointment tomorrow any more, could we make it next Wednesday. And when I called the doctors, the soonest I could get an appointment with the doctor who gave me my last sick note was Tuesday morning at 8:30, and no later in the day, or Wednesday at 9:40. So now next week I have an appointment on Monday, and a doctor's appointment at 9:40 am and then a counselling session at 2:00 on Wednesday. Sigh.

But anyway. At least I have the rest of the week free, even though I was sort of geared up for the appointment tomorrow. And I have slightly less on next week than I was supposed to this week. And if those guys call and say 'big misunderstanding' (who knows?), I can just cancel my doctor's appointment. Although I'm not exactly holding out too much hope for that.

But, some good things: I was at Aldi buying chocolate on Sunday, as is my custom, and I discovered they're now selling cherry and chili dark chocolate. Which is lovely, although it's still not a good idea to eat too much chili dark chocolate all at once. I did go to Batman Live, as I said, and it was quite good, although probably not brilliant enough for the amount I ended up paying to see it. ( Sort of spoilers )

Another weird thing, if not a good thing, is that for some reason I feel about three months ahead of myself at the moment. When I came back from Prague, in June, I really really felt like summer was over, and I was ready for like autumn and Halloween and stuff. And now the sky has gone a bit grey, and it's gotten a bit colder, I'm feeling suddenly ready for Christmas. I don't actually feel ready for Christmas, I'd definitely like to have Halloween and Bonfire Night first. But it sort of feels like that sort of atmosphere. I really like this time of year, at any rate though. The shops have started putting scarves and gloves out, and it recently occured to me it would soon be the weather to have soup regularly again, and start getting wrapped up before I go out. Hurrah :)

In soap news, ( Vague discussion of a domestic rape storyline )

But in happier news, a while back I came up with and did a picspam on the Doug/Texas/Leanne OT3 I really wanted Hollyoaks to do. And I never really expected it to actually happen. But Texas and Leanne were looking for somewhere to live together for their second year of uni, and yesterday we had a scene of Doug throwing out his current roommate, and then Texas and Leanne walked down the stairs saying they'd had a look around, and were happy to move in straight away! Hollyoaks, you DO know how to make me happy. Hurrah.

So. We're onto day three of my staying home on my own, and it's all going pretty well so far. I have managed to feed myself and the animals both days, and use the dishwasher and put the clean pots away, and clear up the dog's droppings two days in a row, which turned out to not be as bad as I thought it was going to be. My parents have a system with plastic bags. It's probably no good for the planet but it's fine with me. I did think there was going to be a dealbreaker today when I let the cat out, then heard her meowing outside the garage door and went to let her in and found a dead mouse on the driveway. But then I closed the garage door again, with her outside, and when I opened it again later, she'd eaten it! Or most of it. So hurrah.

In other news, Coronation Street was fine tonight, but I could have done with less of Peter grabbing Carla. And Roy's mum not being a Tory. But whatever. Also in Emmerdale, I love Chas and Cain, and Gennie, and quite like Nikhil when he's not being awful to Gennie. Ahem.

Otherwise, I have mostly been watching George Gently (oh Bacchus), and attempting to play two new PS3 games. Basically, watching 666theheartless666's LPs has made me want to play games myself, so I picked up Batman: Arkham Asylum and Kane and Lynch: Dead Men in Morrisons on the cheap. So far, I'm shit at both of them, but I have only been playing them for about an hour each, so there we go. I'm thinking I need to focus on just one for a little while, the way when you buy a few new films, you probably shouldn't watch two scenes of one, and then stop it and watch two scenes of the other. And so on. Anyway. We'll see how that plan goes.

In any case, it's worked out sort of well that I ended up staying with the dog, because I'm taking it as practise for when my parents go away in October, and talking about that with my mum made me realise that Connotations is actually on over one of the weekends they're away. So we need to sort out something with the dog for that aswell. Which is obviously better to know now than in October. So that was a good catch, at least.

I got back from Connotations yesterday. It was a bit odd this year, I think because I hadn't made sure to have enough sleep before going so I was tired a lot, and because I'm not really watching any shows at the moment apart from soaps. Between the Wylde storyline on Emmerdale finishing really soon and the Ste/Brendan storyline on Hollyoaks just starting up and them doing quite a bit with them onscreen, I'm a bit soap mad at the moment, and suprisingly few people wanted to talk with me about Nathan Wylde (OH I LOVE HIM) for 3 hours. But it was lovely to be there and lovely to see everyone, and we had a fancy new hotel I was incredibly impressed with. I was with jekesta and cakesy, and our triple room (aka double room with a camp bed) had a sitting room/entertaining area. I kid you not. Also, there were three course meals basically every night, and suited hotel staff kept bringing random trays of cake and smoothies out every time we had a break. And I think the rooms only cost about the same as they did at the Park. It was awesome, especially when we learned our way around.

I don't have much to say about the panels, except that looking back it's kind of hilarious how quickly the Anti-Heroes (Not Villains) panel became all about villains. Also, we learned a bit more about what that The Losers film katemonkey keeps talking about is all about. Also, I found out about the Futurama Citihall vid. Also, jekesta, cakesy and I all looked Moderately Tidy at the Moderately Tidy Dinner. Also, it was pretty awesome.

cakesy and I were going to go see a film together or something yesterday after leaving the hotel, but we were foiled by the fact that Durham only has one cinema with two screens, and there was nothing on there till 3 and there was nothing we really wanted to see on. So we decided getting the train was probably the best thing to do, especially with our suitcases and whatnot. An extra exciting bonus of the week for me was that on the way up on the train, I saw a couple of deer out of the window, and I couldn't decide if they were fauns or not. They were quite small. And on the way down I saw deer again, and then a fox, and then another fox. It's probably a bit ridiculous how pleased I am about seeing random wildlife, but I spent most of my childhood in my bedroom, and I didn't exactly start going on nature walks when I got to be a teenager. And apparently when I was young there was a fox living somewhere near our cul-de-sac which used to wander around the houses sometimes, and when I was living in Beeston with K and J she said there were urban foxes about which she and J saw once or twice coming back from nights out, and I never saw either of those. So it's nice to actually see apparently really common animals now and then. Also, DEER. That was really lovely.

Today I mostly ventured out of the house to go uptown and get the new soap mags, which I buy totally for the articles, and by no means for the pictures of Ste and Nathan Wylde. That doesn't make it better, does it? Anyway, there's a couple of really hilarious interviews in there with Amanda Donohoe insisting that Natasha Wylde is at heart an honest person, and that everything she's done she did to protect her family, and then giving really vague answers to whether or not Natasha would confess to killing her husband if she found out Nathan might be tortured or killed over it. YOU HAVE TO THINK THESE THINGS OVER.

In other news about what telly I've been watching, I had an incredibly ITV night last night. It started out with Hollyoaks at 6.30, then at 7.00 it was Emmerdale, at 7.30 it was Coronation Street, at 8.00 I went upstairs to watch Ray Mears' new thing, then back downstairs at 8.30 for Coronation Street again, then new Whitechapel at 9. This year's plot seems slightly more ludicrous than last year's, and some of the tension has gone now that the whole team seems to love Chandler, but it's still pretty enjoyable. And I quite love Chandler/Miles. Although Chandler/Kent is quite sweet too. And this year there is Suprise Peter Serafinowicz. ( Slight character spoilers ) So we'll see how that goes.

Last night, I watched ( Casualty, spoilers for this and future episodes )

And I booked for Connotations this year. Woo hoo!

And tonight I watched ( BBC Sherlock, episode 2 (spoilers for this and last week's episode )

Also, it's the Nottingham Riverside festival this weekend, and I was half-thinking about going down, staying overnight in a Bed and Breakfast or cheap hotel or something. It only yesterday occured to me that I should probably decide now if I actually want to do that. And indeed, book now, if I do. Hmm.